INTRODUCTION TO PARASHAT HASHAVUA

THE SECOND RECONCILIATION?

By Rabbi Yaakov Beasley

Change in Attitude

Sefer Bereishit closes with Parashat Vayechi.  Notwithstanding the parasha's name, "And Yaakov lived," the parasha really brings closure to our book of beginnings with the death of Yaakov, and subsequently the death of Yosef.  Between these two death notices, there are two brief exchanges between Yosef and his brothers. With the death of their father Yaakov, the brothers are still nervous that Yosef will try to exact revenge for their mistreatment of him years before. They send Yosef a message that before Yaakov died, he wanted Yosef to forgive his brothers for any misdeed. Note how they stress the words "your father," clearly playing on Yosef's close relationship with Yaakov.

"And when Yosef's brothers saw that their father was dead:" What is the meaning of "they saw"? They could perceive that he was dead through the conduct of Yosef. Previously, they used to dine at Yosef's table and he used to receive them with open arms, out of respect for his father; after Yaakov's death, however, he no longer treated them in a friendly manner. (Rashi)

What is difficult about the simple reading of the text, "When Yosef's brothers saw that their father was dead," that forced Rashi to add his comment? Yaakov had already been buried, so clearly the brothers must have "seen" something else.  Thus, Rashi suggests that they "saw" a change in Yosef's behavior, reflecting a change in attitude. Before, they felt welcomed, and suddenly, Yosef was very cold to them.

In another midrash in Bereishit Rabba, R. Yitzchak suggests that on the way back to Canaan to bury Yaakov, the brothers saw Yosef visit the pit that he was thrown into years before.  Not realizing that his intentions were simply to thank Hashem for his deliverance, they worried that the old wound had been re-opened in Yosef's mind.

In Rashi's understanding, as long as their father remained alive, the brothers felt assured that Yosef would not attempt to punish them. Upon Yaakov's death, however, any feelings of family unity disintegrated.  Eerily, this is not an unknown pattern in Sefer Bereishit.  Earlier, having lost the blessings to Yaakov's manipulations, Esav famously threatened to wait until after his father passed away to even the score with his deceitful sibling.  As a result of this precedent, the brothers sent the message to Yosef claiming that Yaakov did not want him to hold a grudge.

What did Yaakov Know?

  In order for Yaakov to send such a message, he would have to have known the truth about what happened between Yosef and his brothers. But the Torah never states that the brothers disclosed to Yaakov that they had been responsible for Yosef's disappearance and that they had engineered the whole bloody-coat-sale-into-Egypt episode. In fact, the text glosses over what they did and did not relate (45:26,27); while it is difficult to build an argument from lack of evidence, there is no clear indication that the brothers ever said anything about the incident to Yaakov. Upon their return to Canaan, the Torah relates that they told Yaakov that Yosef was alive and the ruler over all of Egypt, but they don't ever describe to Yaakov how Yosef in fact ended up there in the first place. By avoiding telling their father about the circumstances of Yosef descent to Egypt, it was possible for them to make a clean break from their past.

But didn't Yaakov wonder how Yosef had survived and how he got to be promoted to viceroy of Egypt? Furthermore, did Yosef ever tell this story to his father? If not, why not?   

The midrash offers the following answer:

Behold, all of Yosef's praiseworthiness consisted of the great respect he paid his father, yet he did not visit him frequently. For were it not for the fact that others came to tell him, "Your father is ill" (Bereishit 48:1), he would not have known. The purpose of this is, however, to make known to you his righteousness, that he did not want to be alone with his father that he should not say to him, "What did your brothers do to you?" And Yaakov would be prompted to curse the brothers. For this reason, he refrained from paying frequent visits to his father. (Pesikta Rabati) 

Yosef, who loved and respected his father, did not visit him frequently and therefore had to be informed of his immanent death. The midrash explains that Yosef rarely saw his father and avoided ever being alone with him so as not to be asked embarrassing questions or forced to share the story that would have, by necessity, implicated his brothers for their past misdeeds. This might similarly explain why Yosef avoided contacting his father after he was appointed the viceroy of Egypt and had the means to do so.

This is reflected in the words of the Ramban:

It seems to me that the plain meaning of the text is that Yaakov was never told of the sale of Yosef by his brothers, but he imagined that he got lost in the fields and was sold by his finders to Egypt. His brothers did not wish to divulge their misconduct, especially for fear of his curse and anger. Yosef, out of his good nature, also did not wish to tell his father. That is why the text states that they sent a message to Yosef, saying, "Your father commanded before his death saying, 'Forgive now, I pray, the transgressions of your brothers.'" Had Yaakov known all the time, they should have begged their father on his deathbed to command Yosef to forgive them and not violate his word. (Commentary of the Ramban, 45:27)

Thus, Yaakov could not have sent the message that the brothers claimed he did; he never knew they had sinned and required forgiveness on Yosef's part. Rashi cites the midrash that this was a "white lie for the sake of peace," and the Talmud (Yevamot 62) lists this incident among the cases in Tanakh where dishonestly for the sake of maintaining harmony is acceptable, and even required.

Still Uneasy

The brothers were clearly so uneasy about their relationship with Yosef that they felt it necessary to "lie" to convince him to forgive them. Why didn't the brothers believe Yosef's first declaration of forgiveness?  Was it due to a mistaken belief that Yosef was being disingenuous, or was there something missing in Yosef's first words?  Let us compare the original declaration with its counterpart in this week's parsha:

How did Yosef's second declaration, which uses essentially the same language, change matters in their eyes? R. Ephraim Luntshitz, the author of the Keli Yakar, suggests that the brothers' concern was not that Yosef would harm them, but that he would not provide them with a special added degree of care. In our parasha, Yosef adds that he will provide for them and their families (49:21), and they are reassured. However, the simple meaning of the verse implies that they were genuinely afraid for their lives. 

The Netziv (R. Naftali Zvi Yehudah Berlin) stresses the spontaneity and immediacy of Yosef's tears in our parasha.  While words can be false, it is much more difficult to fake tears. The brothers intuitively knew that Yosef's tears were genuine, and that he indeed sincerely forgave them. They therefore believed his second declaration of forgiveness.

I wish to suggest a third approach based on a comparison between the two reconciliations.  In the first, although Yosef displayed tremendous magnanimity in forgiving the harm that his brothers intended, stating clearly and decisively that everything that occurred was part of the Divine plan, he was too forgiving.  He went so far as to suggest that the brothers had performed no wrong at all (in my son's terminology: no harm, no foul). But the brothers knew that they had harmed Yosef much more grievously than that! After all, they had said to one another, "Alas, we are being punished on account of our brother, because we looked on at his anguish, yet paid no heed as he pleaded with us" (Bereishit 42:21). Given that the memory of their cruel behavior was burned into their consciousnesses, for Yosef statement that "it was not you who sold me hither" may have seemed like a whitewash! And if it was a whitewash, how could they feel that Yosef really was sincere?   

In psychology, the concept of "working through pain" is of primary important. In many cases, if one tries to skip steps in this process, one will remain psychologically incomplete. For example, in mourning the death of a loved one, one must go through all the steps of mourning before one can move on. Of course, the same holds true for teshuva, repentance. Indeed, many of the insights of the Rav, Maran HaRav Yosef Ber Soloveitchik zt"l, on teshuva illustrate that the halakhot of teshuva express the notion of working through the feelings of self-loathing as a consequence of the sins one has committed, as well as a affirmation to recreate oneself.

Now, let us look again at the second declaration.  For the first time, Yosef acknowledges that his brothers actually acted cruelly towards him. "Although you intended me harm, God intended it for good."  While his previous declaration had only mentioned that his brothers sold him into Egypt, now Yosef verbalizes for the first time the enmity and anger that caused them to do so.  Yosef's brothers had worked through their feelings and were truly remorseful for their actions.  They now understand that Yosef had also worked through his feelings and had forgiven them. This time, he did not gloss over the terrible crime that they had done. After many years, Yosef had worked through it all and was finally ready and willing to forgive.